Silicon Valley Redneck

Abomination!

Via Insty comes this coverage of a "food" gimmick (which I'd actually heard of a few days ago, when a friend forwarded a link to the product's web site).  Beyond Cheez Whiz... it's Pancake Whiz!  Er, "Batter Blaster."  For people who can't be bothered to mix Krusteaz pancake mix and water.  Yeesh.

Mind you, I don't use Krusteaz anymore.  I make my own pancake/waffle mix out of white whole wheat flour, baking powder, salt, and whatever else catches my fancy at the time (oat bran, flaxseed meal, buckwheat flour, etc.).  When it's time to make a batch of pancakes or waffles, I just roughly measure about the right amount of the mix, and toss in an egg or two, a bit of oil, enough milk to get the right consistency, usually a bit of vanilla extract, and maybe some fruit.  Hey presto!  Hardly any trouble, cheap, and the composition matches what I'm supposed to be eating this year.  (Well, modulo the syrup, which at least is genuine tree squeezin's and not vaguely maple-flavored corn syrup.)

New health-food concept!

I've taken to making my own pancake & waffle mix, with healthy whole-grain stuff (white whole wheat flour, buckwheat flour, oat bran, flax seed meal, that kind of thing).

Then, when I make pancakes or waffles, I go and pour maple syrup all over them, which kind of ruins the "healthy" bit (or at least the "low glycemic index" aspect of it).

So - what the world needs now is - whole-grain maple syrup!

(With sawdust in it, I guess.  Wasn't there "diet bread", once upon a time, that was made with sawdust?)

And no objecting that "whole grain" is the wrong term because maple trees aren't "grain."  Ever look at maple wood?  It's got a lovely grain to it.

Exciting new snack food concept!

Popsquash!

Take one huge pan, cover bottom with 4" of oil, and heat until the oil starts to smoke.

Add hard squashes and cover.  Shake pan vigorously back and forth over high heat until all squashes have popped.

More nutritious than popcorn!

Culinary note for today

I've been rather fond of Trader Joe's "California Rice Trilogy" for a few years now.  Alas, it's gotten pricey (which suggests mixing my own instead), and now seems to have disappeared in favor of the new "Brown Rice Medley."

Which includes, among other things, daikon radish seeds.

Ugh.

Mixing rice and radish seeds turns out to be disgusting.  Besides, I'm sure it's forbidden by the Bible, somewhere in among the prohibitions against mixing shrimp and polyester, and Congresswomen from Marin County.

So, henceforth I'll be mixing up my own rice blend, consisting entirely of rice.

Thought for a hot day

One thing I haven't seen yet - though I admit I haven't been looking very hard:

Energy pops!

Frozen Red Bull onna stick!

Just the thing for caffeinating on a hot day!

Yeah, I know, in the freezer case they'd look like kid stuff:

"And if you went to gobble a snack at Baskin,
You could see the greatest horror man has known:
For little kids, for nothing more than askin',
Could get their coffee in an ice cream cone!"
            - Gary McGath,
            "The Alternate World Temperance Union"

Culinary note

Blackberry ice cream with whole blackberries isn't a good idea.

The berries freeze into big, crunchy, tasteless lumps.

Either smoosh the berries before mixing and freezing, or make the ice cream separately and then add it to room-temperature blackberries.

Pecan bars

I started with three cookbooks open in front of me: one with a recipe for lemon bars, and two with recipes for pecan pie. After much experimentation, here's the result:

Crust

1¼	cup	flour
½	cup	sugar
¼	lb	butter, softened

Mix thoroughly, and press into an 8" square baking pan. Prick all over with a fork, and bake 30 minutes at 325°F.

Meanwhile, prepare the topping:

Topping

¼	cup	sugar
¼	cup	corn syrup
¼	cup	maple syrup
1	tbs	corn starch
2		eggs
1	tsp	vanilla
1	cup	pecans, broken
½	cup	dates, chopped

Toss all ingredients except the pecans and dates into the blender, and homogenize.

When the crust has had its appointed time in the oven, take it out, let it cool for a few minutes, then distribute the pecans and dates over the top. Pour the blended topping liquid over the top. Put it back in the oven (still at 325°F), and bake for a further 40 minutes.

Remove from oven, allow to cool, and slice up into cookie-sized pieces.

Harvest time!

Burn the fields and dry the corn
Feel the breath of winter born
Stow the grain 'gainst season's flood
Spill the last of the livestock's blood
- Heather Alexander

The first phase of cornbread preparation is now complete: the corn is grown and harvested!
There are big robust ears,

and stubby runty ears,

and cute little mongrel ears.

(Damn your mongrel ears, Spock!)
Notes for next year:

• Consider adjusting the fertilizer.  While 11-foot stalks may impress the heck out of the neighbors, it's really seed production that matters.
• Remember to spray for bugs at least once during the growing season.
• The red corn seems to be more bug-resistant than the other varieties.

Note that the photos are not all to the same scale... the big robust ears are nearly twice the length of the little mongrel ears.