A small-businessman of my acquaintance (no, not me) recently spent a couple of days on the phone with sundry representatives of a bank which, on advice of my parrot, I will not name, but refer to only as "Hell's Cargo."
SB has personal checking and credit-card accounts, and business checking and credit-card accounts, with HC.
The adventure began when he attempted to use HC's on-line banking system to transfer funds from business checking to business credit card. (Apparently the business credit card is more of a debit card, or a prepaid credit card, or some such deal. My own business credit card is a real credit card, but then I'm not dealing with Hell's Cargo.)
He set things up, and clicked the magic button. The specified funds promptly evaporated from business checking, but, a few minutes later, had not materialized in business credit card.
Well, oops. He'd selected the wrong destination, and moved the funds to his personal credit card account instead. Except... that account hadn't been credited yet, either.
And so, SB called HC, and found himself conversing with an array of HC Customer Service Representatives. As I understand it, the multi-day conversation went something like this:
SB: Hi. I accidentally transferred some funds from my business checking account to my personal credit card account, and I need to get the money into my business credit card account so I can place an order before the noon cutoff.
CSR1: I can't do that. The money isn't in your personal credit card account yet.
SB: Yes, I was wondering about that too.
CSR1: It will take one to three days for the transaction to post.
SB: But the money left my checking account instantly.
CSR1: And it will take one to three days to arrive at your credit card account.
SB: How's that?
CSR2: Sir, the funds were promptly loaded into an armored car in Wells, Maine.
CSR3: And are en route to your credit card account in Mitchell, South Dakota.
CSR1: When the armored car arrives and the funds are verified, your account will be credited.
SB: I'm on a deadline here. Can we just change the destination from personal credit card to business credit card?
CSR4: It will take one to three days to arrive at your credit card account.
SB: Can we cancel the transfer and start over?
CSR5: Sir, the funds are already on the armored car.
CSR4: Your personal credit card account will be credited in one to three days.
CSR1: After which, we can reverse the transfer.
CSR3: And the funds will be returned to your checking account in one to three days.
CSR2: After which, you can transfer the funds to your business credit card account.
CSR6: Which will take one to three days.
All of which is just great for a small business. Hey, the company's entire supply of working capital is going for a ride on the Gordian roller-coaster, so SB might as well just take the rest of the week off, right?
And I have to wonder how HC gets away with helping itself to use of its customers' money during the 1-3 days it takes to process an intra-bank transfer. (No, I don't really wonder. It's called "regulatory capture.")
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