In pondering just how, exactly, Sarah Palin and Glenn Beck managed to gain control of the mind of J. Random Looner, I've come up with a couple of inspirations.
The first relates to the ability of people who currently hold no public office, and are members of the opposition party, to gain access to the network of orbital mind control lasers. Seriously, what sort of administration is that lax with its assets?
The answer becomes apparent: the OMCL network isn't in fact run by the government, but by the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy, and access is granted to senior members of the conspiracy, who use a smartphone app to select targets and to send messages directly into their brains.
This notion has Fun Potential. Were I an Android game developer1 with time on my hands, I'd be tempted to write the Orbital Mind Control Laser app. Anyone could download it, but in order to gain access to the OMCL network, you'd need to activate the program by establishing your VRWC bona fides. This would involve a series of tests, starting with simple questions like "what is the subscriber number on your National Review mailing label" and progressing, e.g., to "draw the symbol of the Gnomes of Zurich on the screen", then perhaps "your phone is a can of spray paint; claim the nearest wall for the Bavarian Illuminati", and eventually to "hold the phone in your left hand and execute steps 4 through 11 of the secret handshake".
If the first step of the activation process involved depositing a nickel, there might even be some revenue in it....
But, then, it turns out that Looner wasn't being controlled that way. Instead, he was being controlled with grammar. By the government, as he thought, but how could he tell?
So: how did the VRWC manipulate grammar to control Looner's mind?
There's only one possible answer! Clearly, I was wrong when I said that Sarah Palin was a polyuterine reptiloid alien. In fact, she's a renegade Time Lady, most likely the Rani2. During an affair with Shakespeare, she used pillow talk to influence the evolution of English grammar in such a way that J. Random Looner would, at a key moment in history, feel compelled to kill his congresswoman.
Somehow, though, he didn't act on that compulsion until after the election. This is no surprise, because (as we all know), Palin is such a stupid bimbo she couldn't even get the timing of a simple language-embedded compulsion right on a mere 4-century timeline.
Hey, if the Master can come back as a British politician played by a Frank Gorshin wannabe, why can't the Rani come back as an Alaskan politician? And it explains so much!
1 That is to say, one who develops games for the Android platform. Not a game developer who is an android, nor yet one who develops games for androids to play.
2 Despite what it sounds like, "Rani" is singular, and has nothing to do with frogs. I keep thinking that she'll reappear eventually. Possibly two incarnations in one episode. With Tina Fey as the latest one.
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