Silicon Valley Redneck

Preparing the new stimulus package

Hey, I remember how this goes!  I saw this back in high school!

Free money!  Almost ready for you!

Peter Sellers and Ringo Starr demonstrate how it's done.

Expect the free money from Washington to be distributed with rather less class.

(In the 30 years or so since I saw The Magic Christian, I've managed to forget most of it.  A few bits stuck in my mind, though, and the "free money" scene is assuredly one of them.)

Funsies!

South-Pointing Chariot

You're doing it wrong.

No, I'm not awake yet. Why do you ask?

Do "battery hens" lay the eggs delivered by the Easter Energizer Bunny?

Well, there's your problem!

Bit from the Telegraph: "The freight rates for Capesize vessels used to ship grains, coal, and iron ore have fallen...."

Well, if I were hiring a ship, I sure wouldn't want something called a Capesize, any more than I'd buy one of those Blurray movies that seem to be all the rage!  Movies should be sharp, not blurray, and ships shouldn't capesize while carrying my cargo!

(Yes, I did look up Capesize.  It's still a poor choice of terminology.)

Note to self

When shopping for cables, "CATV" does not mean the same thing as "CAT5".

(Does CATV even exist anymore?  Haven't cable and satellite pretty much driven it into oblivion?)

Thursday forecast: a double-Eagleton!

There's been persistent speculation that Palin will be off the ticket Any Moment Now.

There's also been such speculation about Biden, and now it's in the L. A. Times.

Will Palin cast off the Mild-Mannered Caribou Barbie mask put on her by McCain's handlers?  If so, will she be dropped for doing so?  If not, will she be dropped for having turned into a bland little nonentity?

Will Biden commit some unforgivable gaffe on national TV?  Will he have a stroke during the debate?

Here's my prediction: after Thursday, they'll both be off their respective tickets.

There are several ways this could come about:

• The debate venue is destroyed by a meteorite strike
• They fight a duel, and are both killed
• The debate venue is the target of a terrorist attack
• Palin misses dinner before the debate, munches on Biden for a snack, and is disqualified on grounds of being an anthropophagous reptiloid alien
• In a surprise turn of events, it's Biden who's the reptiloid alien...
• Both parties hold emergency conventions, replacing Obama with Hillary and McCain with Rudy, and allowing them to choose their own new VP candidates

I'm sure there are many other ways it could come to pass, but just you watch!  And remember: you read it here first!

Well. That's all clear, then.

John Cleese explains the brain.

Doesn't rhyme as well as this one, though.

Somehow, I doubt this.

This just showed up in my regular in-box:

Hello,

I looked at your website and noticed some job openings, which I could help fill.

I represent a staffing company whereby we work at a national level, servicing our clients in the IT area, helping them fill their IT contract openings or direct hire positions.

Please let me know if can help you and send qualified Candidates/Contractors for your current IT Openings.

Hmmm... given the address to which it came, the website in question must be Gumbyware, not this blog.

Still, job openings?  Wha...?

There has never been a job opening at Gumbyware.  The very concept of a job opening at Gumbyware is nonsensical.

Talk about mistargeted marketing!

Politics raises its silly head again

Now that his gaffes are drawing some public attention, Pinky has started carrying his PromptoSpecs along and using them in places where they're kinda obvious.

This is all good fun until David Axelrod's keyboard develops a stuck key.

Hey, wait a minute... didn't we all (counting myself here; I was in college back then) make fun of Ronald Reagan for being an empty suit driven by a TelePrompTer?  What's changed since then?

Funny how partisans can switch positions according to which party has the empty suit, sex scandal, or whatever... and never even notice they're doing it.

It's the battle of the shiny things!

Consider the current election season.

We were all set for a boring, predictable slog between Hillary and Rudy, with many of us wishing they'd both just drop dead.

Then that Obama dude showed up.  Look!  Shiny!  Suddenly the Shiny Thing was getting all the attention, and winning all the caucuses.

After a few months, with the shininess starting to wear a bit thin, McCain struck Shiny in Alaska.  Suddenly Palin is the new Shiny Thing, getting all the attention - and, potentially, a lot of votes, if she doesn't get all tarnished in the next few weeks.

So what's Obama to do?  Well, there's talk of Rusty Ol' Biden throwing himself under the bus for the good of the campaign.  That would leave Obama free to pick a new Shiny Thing - younger, more famous, and genuinely unqualified for the veep slot.  I refer of course to Paris Hilton, who's unqualified on grounds of having been born later than 20 Jan 1974.  But who's going to quibble about technicalities?  Maybe she can get a Chinese instant-aging treatment like those gymnasts got.  That should make for lots of extra publicity.